Dear Bob #2 (aka Tuba Bob)
I really enjoyed your story of our shared experience. I hope that it can serve as a template for others who find themselves in similar circumstances.
You described me as a guy who had fallen in a mud puddle and came up wearing a brown suit. I have given a lot of thought to your analogy, and I certainly can’t disagree with it.
I think it is part of the human condition to fall into mud puddles. Some puddles are pretty shallow – others pretty deep. Your four tenants for dealing with the loss of a spouse apply equally well to all the puddles we face in life.
From my own experience, I believe that your first tenant – DO SOMETHING is the most important. After my wife passed away, I could feel myself slipping into depression – I found myself not looking forward to greeting a new day. This scared the hell out of me, and was really my motivation to do something.
After close to a half century, the thought of dating again was pretty scary. I entered the Internet dating scene on my tippy-toes. I went on a dating site for senior citizens, but was so unsure of what I was doing that I only gave the minimal amount of information about myself and did not include a picture. About a half dozen ladies responded to me, but all wanted to see a picture – except for one. She had also lost her spouse, and simply sent me the message –“Never lose hope of finding love again”. I thought this was such a sweet thing to do – and I responded by thanking her for her kindness. This lady was, of course, Sally – who became my new wife 6 months ago.
Sally came out of her own mud puddle – one much deeper than mine. While her late husband was undergoing cancer treatment, she was diagnosed with cancer herself and had to undergo surgery and radiation. After his death, she had to assume leadership of the family business while continuing to raise two of her four children. One of those daughters convinced her to DO SOMETHING – and then I came into her life.
I have long pondered the question of why Sally and I came out of the mud puddle wearing the brown suit. I have yet to come up with the answer to that question. I guess it just boils down to what you said, “You can’t win the lottery unless you buy a ticket”. I truly feel that we won the lottery.
Though your mud puddle analogy is a good one, I like to think that our life on this earth consists of a number of chapters. Sometimes a new chapter is opened as a result of a triumph – graduating from college, for example. Other times a new chapter must be opened as a result of a misfortune – loss of a job, or the death of a loved one.
With that in mind, I’d like to add one more tenant to the four you suggested. Don’t try and compare a new chapter to an old one – just enjoy the new one for all its worth!
Best Regards,
Bob #1