Imagine someone who is lost. Is trying to find his way home. Doesn’t have any idea where he is. Is looking for signs and directions to help him. There are many out there, but which are the ones that will lead to home. Furthermore, he is so lost that he doesn’t even know what home is, much less how to get there. Entirely clueless, but willing to learn.
So what’s to learn?
“What you see is what you get.”
Not always. There’s more to it than that. The package does not always contain what the label says. The map does not always lead to the treasure. Who has not been stung by those experiences? The questions that precipitate the human dilemma are: what is real? What is false?
Some have been misled more than others in their quest, but every life has had a constant bombardment of those choices. Everyone has their own way of dealing with them. Each individual gives off clues as to how they see and act on theirs. What are those ways? There are several. How good are they? Our purpose here is to examine them and try to answer the questions posed above. Our premise here is summarized as; it takes the real way to get us home. Fake ways lead nowhere.
Important to the real and fake questions is another conundrum. Why is it important to have a sense of humor? What is humor anyway? As this discourse proceeds, those additional questions will help us in our quest.
Another area of inquiry in this essay is related to the question: What does writing have to do with finding your way?
I am going to take the last question first (you’ve heard that reference before) and write about writing.
Within about two months after my loving partner of 62 years died, I joined the Osher Program at RIT Rochester Institute of Technology). I was in desperate need of some form of creative, attention diverting activity to help me through my deep sadness. I had so much to express, and writing seemed to me the only means within the abilities I had at my disposal.
Upon joining the Osher sponsored writing class, two things leapt out at me almost immediately. One; I had lots to learn. Two; every person in that class had an entirely different style.
The learning part took a while. It was (and still is) the custom in that class for all to receive the same topic, and write a short story about it. In the following class, each person would read their story and be critiqued by their peers. In this class there was (and still is), a very intelligent and experienced group who would listen to your story and react. Reaction was always polite, respectful, and constructive. I was gratefully aware of that atmosphere, but, being human, had internal feelings of inadequacy and self-consciousness for the first 10 or 12 weeks,
My breakthrough to comfort and confidence came about more by accident than anything else, as I somehow serendipitously was induced to take another tack at developing a style. I had just come back from attending a reunion of my WWII – 13th Armored Division in Texas, and didn’t have a lot of time to prepare for the writing assignment due. The topic was: “Write a story based on a telephone conversation – the half of the conversation you overhear – or expand the idea and include both sides of the conversation – make it as outlandish as you wish – entertain us!!”
Jean and I spent our last 30 years sharing the rise and success of an Antique Jewelry business that she had originally created prior to my retirement. When I retired as an educator, I received a significant lump sum. That career being over, and having supported Jean in her efforts to start a jewelry business prior to my retirement, we agreed to join forces, invest my lump sum, and both go into that jewelry business full time.
Such a ride… We traveled up and down the East Coast, met tons of people, including huge numbers in the Antique Jewelry trade. A very large percentage was Jewish. They loved Jean. She loved them. Jean had a great sense of humor, so did most of them. I learned a lot from all of them. One of the greatest lessons was in the form of humor. Jean had it. Her Jewish friends had it, and some even rubbed off on me. So much so that I decided to employ some of that humor in to my writing assignment as it particularly referred to a telephone conversation. I remembered one old Jewish joke that dealt with having the latest thing in innovation – this goes way back to the car phone. I decided to embellish it into a story and create two funny Jewish characters – Ike and Sam. I combined the telephone joke with another we heard from a little Jewish man who bought from us at a show in Glen`s Falls, NY. It encompassed a certain amount of envy, bragging, and misunderstanding that comprises so much of human behavior. Together those jokes were the centerpieces of a little story I wrote called: “The Price is Right???”
It follows:
“Trust me – cheap is cheap… You get what you pay for… I want the best… Work hard and you can get it… When I get rich I’ll show these yokels what class is all about. I’m already half way there, and nothing will get in my way. I am one of the first to get one of those Color TV’s that came out this year. I can afford most anything new and expensive that comes my way.”
“My good buddy Ike thinks he is such a big deal. Especially since he just got a phone he can use from his car. Such a bragger… Get this… Mr. Big Shot calls me just to tell me he’s calling from his car. Such a swell head… I have almost enough extra cash to get a car phone myself, and when I do I’ll call Mr. Big Shot on my even better car phone. In fact, I won’t wait. My credit’s good. I’ll get one right now. I can’t wait to call Mr. Smarty-Pants and tell him about my better phone.”
“Hello Ike… It’s me, Sam… Guess where I’m calling from?.. What??? You want to put me on hold, so you can answer your other phone???”
A few years pass… Ike and Sam both develop a hearing problem. Ike immediately got, what at the time, was the best hearing aid money could buy. He let Sam know about it.
Somehow, the winds of good fortune blew in Sam’s direction. His business went sky high and the money rolled in. He became a multi-millionaire.
“What a time to stick it to Ike!!!. I can’t wait…I`ll show that bum….”
“I’m going to get the best and most expensive hearing aid money can buy. The sky’s no limit… Even if it costs a million dollars it will make Ike’s look like a cheap tin horn…” I know what I’ll do. I’ll take Ike to lunch at the most expensive restaurant in town and let him feast his eyes on the world’s best, and most expensive hearing aid.”
A short time later, Sam invited Ike to lunch at a very high class and expensive restaurant. As they were entering, Sam said to Ike: “Take a look at my brand new hearing aid, it’s very special. It’s the very best money can buy. It cost a million dollars”. This one is so expensive that no one else can afford it, not even you…”
“What kind is it?” Ike said.
Sam replied: “It’s 12:00 o’clock “.
My story was a winner. Everyone got a laugh. It went over well and most importantly, it made me feel like I had joined the club. I had made my mark as a funny story teller and from that moment on I directed all my efforts in a way that would continue in that direction. I had found my way…
So far I have created about sixteen Ike and Sam stories based on one or more jokes Jean and I learned in our travels and associations in the jewelry business. I write other stories as well, but nearly all are humor based.
Why is humor so important? It is God’s gift of medicine to all, and especially to those who grieve. Humor is the generator of laughter. Laughter is the great healer. There are similar kinds of healing in parallel forms. Some examples are poetry, painting, parables, on and on, all basically are metaphors for what is happening around us. Using and understanding them helps us through our grief and gives us ways to find happiness again.
Humor is a great definer of reality. Oppressed and grieving people have developed a keen sense of it and its accompanying ironies. Jewish humor, as well as that of Irish, Italian, Polish, and other people with a history of oppression has keenly developed over time. Developed to help deflect the pain that often accompanies reality. Life without humor is difficult without a little humor to fall back on. We use the term “lighten up” to suggest that light is a key ingredient in getting through sorrow. Relighting Us is designed with that purpose in mind. Humor and light are handmaidens.
Writing, whether humorous or not, and other forms of expression allow us to get out into the open that which is deep inside. Into the open where it can be controlled and put to good use in help us restore the best elements of what we have lost.
Now that we have learned of a way to restore lost light, let us turn to what is real, and what might be perceived as real. Let us shine that light upon those determinations. A key ingredient in this illumination is faith. Nothing real exists without it. So this good becomes another ingredient. Our job is to search examine and find this good. Where is it? How do we find it?
The good we seek in restoring our loss still exists. It exists in the world of reality. Where is that world? It is located in the same world as perception. They exist side by side. Perception wears many masks and appears to be good. In fact, it finds ways to make itself appear even better than good. Good takes effort and creativity, perception entices with much promise and little need of effort and creativity. Its packages appear constantly, all ready-made and set to go. Good has to be found and fashioned. The difference is that attaining real good requires effort.
Truth is the hallmark of real good. Truth is found in humor and metaphor. Perception more times than not, is merely a promise that leads to something less than good. Many times even to disaster. Truth is found in proven experience. Proven experience is the subject matter of humor and metaphors. Scientific experiments lead to truths. They are based on proven and tested information, previously validated. They have the same base of good as do good memories. We have all tasted their good. They satisfy us. They relight moments of happiness.
These assists were learned and used by me as I proceeded in my quest for relighting my way. I offer them as helpful suggestions to whoever might wish to use them.