February 25, 2015
“What, you again? How come you’re back so quick? You usually wait for at least a month. What’s going on?”
“Well there`s a lot to tell and I just got to spit it out before I forget it it all I hardly know where to begin. But, I`ll begin with a little recap of a text message Patty sent me this morning (since you left, the kids got me a smart phone, and one of the things it does is send short little printed messages to a little screen on the receiver`s phone. They are good for not interrupting anyone with a nonessential message – everyone does it. Some, like me, are not too swift in that category, but that`s another story – let’s just say that I have a phone that is a hell of a lot smarter than me. By the way, I have obtained a dumber one and will be using it starting in a few days – my self-esteem will be much improved). The messages went like this:”
8:07 AM Patty – “Thinking of you today. Love Patty”
8:13 AM Me – “Thanks Patty. I`ll be OK. I know where she is. I talk to her all the time. One of these days I`ll be with her and she can talk back. So, I gotta be on my good behavior. Thanks again. Love, Dad”
8:14 AM Patty – “Yes, I am sure you will get an earful. Say Hi to Mike for me.”
“Obviously Patty was concerned about me on this day especially since it has been exactly two years since you left. Mike is coming by this afternoon and we will be going to St. Louis Church for a Mass I am having said for you. He has a case in Rochester tomorrow, and is staying overnight with me. I`ll catch up on everything with him and tell you all about it when I next talk to you. Here’s the Mass intentions announcement:”
Now to get on with it, I needed to tell you all of the thoughts and actions that are happening around me. So many and so fast, that I fear that if I don’t get it all out, I’ll forget something really important. It is even hard for me to begin, but here goes:
I got three major categories to go over with you. They are The Bible; The Relighting Us website; and Writing. In this case the last shall be first, because it is what I am doing right now,
So, writing takes time, effort and thought. But, the rewards are overwhelmingly worth it. I can`t put into words how much it has helped me. I am in touch with you. I hear your laughter. You are always with me. Here`s a little picture I keep on my desk. It sums it all up. I call it – Jean Laughing. It is one of my brightest memories of you. It always relights me. And believe it or not, I can hear you. It makes me happy…
I can still laugh and crack jokes because I know you can hear me. And I know you are laughing still. How do I know? Because, after all these years, I finally took a lesson from you and got some of what you had when you were here with me. Simply put – Faith.
I know deep in my being that you got to that big reunion in the sky because of your faith. You lived it; you made it a deep part of you. My realization of your faith came to me as I began to write about our life together when you were getting ready to leave. For years I watched you thump your heart in the part of the Mass where the phrase ‘This is My Body’ was spoken. On and on, you gave me so many signs of your deep faith. I don’t have the space to write them all down. But, I watched, and I learned, and eventually I began to know. Luckily for me, it has come at a time when the big black bus hasn`t come for me yet. When it does, I won`t be in some old folks Disneyland in Florida, I’ll be here, if physically and mentally able, doing my website project. I`ll be like the guy who hung out all day doing nothing, until the very last possible minute when he finally applied and got hired to go work in the vineyard. He got the same coin that you got for being there all day, and the one good enough to buy the ticket.to the same place where you went. So, when the bus comes for me, I`ll be able to pay my way to where you are. All that writing has paid off. It revealed the real me and as a result relighted my path. I will spend the rest of the time here, helping others relight theirs.
Another dimension to my better late than never behavior, is my attention to the Bible. There are so many parts to the story that again, I don`t know where to begin. So, I`ll let someone else summarize it, and chime in later after the ice is broken. I remember from my childhood (religion was not a part of family life at that time) being taken to a Bible class where stories were told of strangely named people smiting and enslaving each other in strangely named places. Nothing about those stories did anything for me, and I soon managed to excuse myself from any further contact with them or their storytellers. When I finally came of sufficient age to be receptive to my need for religious guidance, I was mainly influenced by the need for an alternative to all of the evil that surrounded me as I attempted to navigate a basically materialistic world. The need was, also, somewhat influenced by witnessing, up close, the senseless horror of WWII. In any event I went to where I perceived the best expression of religion to be – the Catholic Church. As you remember, I became confirmed at age 25, about a year before we were married.
At no time, did I ever give serious consideration to delve deeply into the Bible, and its most meaningful message. I was content with what I was practicing and that was enough. That was pretty much the way things were until about a year after you left. I had by then become deeply engrossed in writing and storytelling and somehow when I learned of a quick trip through the Bible course being offered at St, Louis Church, I decided to get involved and see what it was all about. The only explanation I can give is that I might have been becoming more aware of the power of words and stories, and of my mostly total ignorance of the Bible story.
Well, as it seems to be turning out, that involvement probably had more behind it that I realized. Every day I can see better. I see a very close connection to what I am in the process of learning about the Bible, and what is going on with the website – Relighting Us. I am doing some side research about the Bible as well, and I happened upon a summation of the message contained in a book I recently read, entitled “From Eden to Exile.” It, too, contained all sorts of strangely named people smiting and enslaving each other and it stated:
“People need stories, not just data, to make sense of their lives. As a friend of mine likes to say, human beings are stories made of flesh and blood. We make sense of our lives and our history with narratives, and the Bible is one of the greatest stories ever told. People read the Bible to find themselves in it, and many people don`t just read the story, they live it. They don`t just watch history unfold on a stage, they see themselves as actors under the lights. As such, even the Bible cannot always be taken as literal history, its words can still speak a certain truth – and can transform people’s lives in the process.”
To that, my comment is: Amen. Which then segues my comments into the third category – Relighting Us. Relighting Us has power. Specifically the power to transform people`s lives. Lives that have been wounded by the loss of a loved one. Those lights that we act under, can be relighted through our own actions. Specifically by following through on the methodology contained in Relighting Us. Revisit good memories. Take someone with you. Write them. Share them. It has worked for me so many times I have lost count. But I have put in the site, and will continue to put in the site, those relighted memories of all the joyful components of our life.
I will, also, work diligently to share this rewarding method with all to whom I can reach. It has given me a new task. More than that, a new identity. I have added the title; Lamplighter, to my job description. As many days of health and mobility I still have left, now have a renewed energy and purpose. I am getting happier and happier. And, I will have lots to tell, when we get together again.”